Summary: Sean starts to heal
Date: 11 Sept. 2013
Related: Falling Apart, Hanging, Easier To Be

20 Sept. 3013 — Sean's loft

The loft is pitch black save for the refracted light of Oculus cascading into the room through the single window. The waves of light flow over the lone figure of Sean sitting at his keyboard in the middle of the room. He's sitting, stripped of all cloth, flesh and soul bare for the emptiness of his home to sink its teeth into. As the weight of this realization presses down onto his being, Sean's fingers lift to the keys.
Trix is shutdown, the loft is quiet, Peny isn't around for the week as often happens when she's out on a shoot. Rivea is busy with her squiring, Roxy hasn't spoken to him in days and he's giving up hope that there's any reason to even try anymore. Xenona is kept from him, and he from her, and for all the friends he's been told he has… Sean's loft is empty. Even he feels as if he's a visitor in his own home. His eyes don't lift from the piano before him. As he starts to play, the shrill longing cry of the high notes staccato the dark and ethereal blue. As he begins to flow into his sorrowful song, Sean's body moves with the truth of his ache. He's alone, for all the worlds, for all the love within them, he's alone and he's finally allowing himself to feel it. He's staved it off with drinks, and strangers, DJing and bar-tending, even going to school so that he could say he's around others and thus not alone… but he's always alone. He could dance at the Siren on the most packed night of the year, and still be completely alone.

The piece picks up as he plays, the melancholy giving way to aching longing desire for something, anything. Sean's eyes water over as they close and he feels the expression of his inner world. All this time, all this fighting, all this hard work and what does he have to show for it? An empty life, an empty career, an empty home. Thoughts flash of the fun, the joy he's felt with the people he's recently come to know. The first person in his mind is Riv. That sweet smile, the bright laugh… the takes-no-shit attitude. But there's more, there's that softer side to her, the side that she rarely shows but he's seen. There's pang in his heart as he thinks about her… she could make him happy, make him feel wanted and accepted and normal. But, could he do all that for her? Could he be the man she deserves? Be the one who sweeps her off her feet, makes her smile with love and joy? Makes her eyes light up when his name is said?
Then Xenona's face enters his mind, and a sigh escapes his lips. The song's course is sad, pining, and bittersweet. She is his friend, a close friend, but a friend. Someone who's, without many words, made him feel like he could just be himself and that it was okay to be that person. Someone who'd challenged him to find things that make him happy, so that he could be painted in bright colors. She has her own insecurities, and that makes him feel like he's normal. Like all his crazy is just another drop of water in the pond… and he'd clung to that feeling. He took a challenge to cling to the fleeting feelings of belonging and acceptance she'd provided him, and now he faces a foe he's got little chance of surviving. The weight of his own mistakes is little to the feeling of failure, and he's failed one of the only two friends he really has.

The song ends, and Sean hunches over the keyboard. He isn't crying, he can't cry… there just isn't enough in him to cry now. He sits this way, hunched over the keys. Existing.

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