09.05.3013: Questioning Faith
Summary: Cedric's nightmares get the better of him, causing him to go to Lyrienne for advice
Date: 03 September 2013
Related: Loosely based on Training the Wife
Cedric Lyrienne 

Cedric and Lyrienne's Apartment
It's their place, it's really nice. If it wasn't, Lyri would have a fit.
05 September 3013

Dinner was lovely. Gave Lyrienne a reason to get all dolled up and Cedric even put a suit on that wasn't a military uniform for a change. And she didn't even have to ask him to do it. She spared with him, the least he could do is take her dancing, trying as hard as he can to not step on her feet. All in all, a good night.

But, a couple hours after they go to bed, it doesn't go so well. Cedric is rolling over on his side. He's been moving a lot more than usual in the past month, but this night is particuarly bad. He's drenched in sweat, his side of their bed is soaked. But he's shivering, and he can't wake up. So if the movement doesn't wake Lyri up, the unpleasant mumbling coming out from him might wake her up too.

"Ric?" Lyrienne rolls toward her husband when the movement starts to prod at her subconscious, eyes not quite open yet. She reaches out to wrap an arm around his waist, though when she encounters the sweat-damp fabric around him, it breaks through the haze of sleep. "Ric?" she asks again, a little more clearly this time as she pushes up onto one elbow to frown down at him.

Cedric doesn't quite shout when he wakes up, but it's startling enough when he sits up, a yelp and gasp mixed into, proceeding by him looking like he's out of breath, or that he had been holding it in for time. But Lyri's voice rouses him enough out of whatever was going on in his head. "No!" In the darkness, hands funble about. "What? Where?" he croaks, trying to get a bearing on things. Hands go to his head, wiping at his face. "Do you smell that? Smoke, I smell smoke. Burning electronics."

"Ric, honey, it's all right," Lyrienne murmurs soothingly, letting her hand rest light over his heart, thumb running in a slow, gentle circle. "It's all right, it's just a dream. You're safe at home, in bed." There's a light touch on his mind, nothing more than a soothing sense of presence. It's no wonder she's always been the one who dealt with the kids when they woke up with bad dreams.

"Fuck." Cedric never swears, not unless something has either unerved him or angered him. "Fuck, it was so real." He wipes at his eyes, then trying to stop his arms from shaking. "Why does this keep happening and…" he looks down at himself. "Hell, I've soaked the sheets. And…myself." Rubs at his head again. "Lyri…" he reaches out for her. "Baby…it felt so real. The Intent. Then seeing you and the kids. It. -Fuck-." With her hand on his heart, it's beating at a wicked pace.

"I know," Lyrienne murmurs, and she does. Of all people, Lyrienne knows what it feels like to wake up from a dream that feels like the most real thing you've ever been through. "You're home now, though. It was only a dream." She lowers her hand long enough to slip it beneath his shirt, pulling the sweat-drenched material away from his skin. "You're safe, I'm safe. We're all here."

"The Intent was burning. There was," Cedric was looking at the arm that had fallen asleep since he was sleeping on it, "a wound on my arm. The viewscreen was fuzzy, but I could see a Hostile ship firing at as. So much was smoke on the bridge, I couldn't breath. And then…I saw you and the kids. You were accepting a folded flag. You were dressed in black. The kids didn't seem to know what was going on. I tried to call out to you, but you didn't hear. Then, everything started to burn, like how a picuture does." he explains as she takes his shirt off. "Fuck, Lyri. How do you do it? This has been happening so much."

"A good deal of training," Lyrienne admits, offering a faint smile, her hand still rubbing a slow circle over his chest, reassuring. "Some of it's setting my mind before I go to sleep. Some learning to control my dreams while I'm having them. Learning to recognize the true dreams from the normal dreams. But it's still frightening. I still wake up. You know how it is."

"Ever since the last time I was out, this has been happening." Cedric replies, swinging his legs over to the side of the bed. "I swear the ship that had been flying next to us before the battle began. The Maiden's Shield. She was doing fine until a barrage of fired destroyed her bridge. I saw it go up. Then, she started to list to the side while it was being hammered on. Eventually, we sit the reactor go. Split the entire ship in half and we had to fly through the two peices as cover fire when we began our run. Remember the bodies floating past our viewscreen. Some were still alive but…there was nothing we could do for them." Got about an hour tops in a suit of armor. "And we just left them there. We had to, there wasn't any other choice." His voice is a little shaky. He nods. "I know. Wish I could help more. I…need to find the spare sheets."

"It's okay." Lyrienne reaches up to cup a hand against his cheek, leaning in for a gentle kiss. "I've got a better idea. Let's go curl up on the couch and turn the game on, okay?" she suggests. "We'll get you something warm and dry, bring out the blankets. It'll be like when you were still in the Academy and I'd come over for a night. I'll even make some hot chocolate for you."

Cedric is still shaking a little when she touches him. The other nightmares was just waking up at night long enough to take a walk around the apartment and fall back asleep without waking Lyri up. Or, at least he'd try to. "You're sure?" he asks, then frowning at the bed. "Didn't mean to wake you up, love. Thank you. Been trying to..well, been trying to hide it." The kiss is returned before he gets up moving to change out of his sweat-soaked clothes. He moves to closet, pulling out spare pillows and a blanket, then walking out into the living room, tossing them on the couch.

"Don't be silly," Lyrienne shakes her head. "You've held me after hundreds of dreams, Ric. The least I can do is to return the favor." While he gets changed and gets the sheets, she steps out to the couch and turns the television on, starting up a recording of an earlier game, then heads into the kitchen to start making hot chocolate. It's no secret that she isn't much of a cook, but this is one of the few things she's very good at.

"Yeah but, you have pretty horrifying dreams…visons…whatever they are. I think I didn't understand what they were really like." Cedric, in a new shirt and pajama pants, makes the couch comfortable for them while she fiddles about in the kitchen. The glow of the holo set in the otherwise dark room is comforting, even if colorful glow of lights from Landing around them never really go away. What they get for living in the middle of the biggest city in Haven. "This reminds when you'd come over when I had a massive flight exam and couldn't sleep."

"There's a reason I have to train with my abilities, Ric," Lyrienne says from the kitchen, emerging with a mug of hot chocolate for him. "The mind has to be accustomed to deal with this sort of thing, given the force of the dreams, the things that you see. It's why it's important to study before actually increasing ability. Like…I don't know. Like not just lifting things with your shoulders and not doing anything for your legs."

"Just like training for another weapon, I get you." He takes the mug with both hands, blanket covering his lap, then blowing on it. "I guess maybe it needs more since it's not just pretaining to a combat situation." Clearly, he understands and for a long while he exchanges glances between the mug and the recorded game. "I hadn't seen this one yet." he notes sullenly. Another line of moments pass. "Lyri," he starts. "Do you think there's something…" he frowns, trying to word things. "…do you think we go somewhere when we die?" Cedric -never- brings up faith. He's been an aetheist the entire time she's known him and he's never questioned it. But war, sometimes war make you do just that.

"Yes." Lyrienne reaches for the blanket, stretching out on the couch so that her head is in his lap and pulling the blanket over herself. "There's so much more to the world than what we can see at first glance," she murmurs. "And I don't think it just ends. I don't know that we all go to a place where we're with the Six, either," she admits. "But I do believe there's a higher plane. And I do believe we can reach it."

"Before I met you, I had no doubts. Been told that this was the only shot we had and that we had better make the most of it." Cedric starts, pausing to sip. "Damn, still good as ever." he comments aside about the hot chocolate. "That's why I wanted to sleep with you that night. Not because you were gorgeous in that dress, but I wanted to take the oppurtunities as they came. In the eight years we've been married, sometimes I'd think about it, but I didn't…" the words are coming harder to say. "And now, when I'm watching friends, people I went to the Academy with die…" he sighs. "I'm scared, Lyri." Takes a big man to admit fear to his wife. "Scared of there being nothing."

"Well don't be." Lyrienne reaches to take one of his hands, pressing a kiss to the back of it and tucking his arm under hers like a teddy bear as she rolls onto her side to see the screen. She may be awake, but there's still a drowsy heaviness to her, as though she could drift back to sleep at any moment. "All things are one, Ric. When we're no longer bound, no longer held here by the chains of the body, we're one again. All things, at all times. Light and dark. Hot and cold. Soaring and grounded." There's something almost like a litany to the way she says it.

"I'm not Awakened." Cedric says, drinking again with one hand now while the other arm is claimed by his wife. "I feel like Awakened have some kind of different insight that the rest of us don't. The visions. Like it's some kind of connection. And we…I can't understand it. I don't even know if I want to." Almost as an afterthought he mutters quietly, "Do I?" Before he shakes his head and continues. "I don't want to lose who I am. I like who am I. And I'm…terrified about leave you alone. I..can't die. Can't leave you behind. I just feel…right now, so lost."

"You'll never leave me alone," Lyrienne shakes her head slightly. "No matter what happens. I know that's true, Ric. In life or in death, you could never leave me alone. And you're not lost," she adds, pulling him a little closer by his arm, looking up at him. "You're home. You're here with me. With the kids. You're the most certain, least lost person I've ever known."

"I guess I've just never really come face to face with the threat of mortality. I knew it could always happen, but I always expected when I was old and frail. Even if I knew it might happen, I just didn't think about it. Now these dreams are…" Cedric sighs, but the tug at his arm keeps him from losing it entirely." There's a digital cheer as the Comets' striker makes a goal. "I try to be. I think I'm just having a crisis of faith, babe."

Lyrienne is quiet for a moment, rubbing his hand gently. "I know I can't make you believe anything, Ric," she murmurs. "But I can tell you that I'll always be here. And that I don't think I'll ever really lose you. No matter what." She pauses, letting out a slow breath. "And also, if you don't want to fight, I'm sure we can get you out of it, but I'm pretty sure you'd end up hating yourself forever, so that's not really a solution."

"I'm not a coward." Cedric defends himself. "I have to do what I do to keep you and the kids safe. If I don't, then, yeah, I wouldn't be able to look myself in a mirror." On his lap, the feel of his pulse has finally slowed down. "I just need someone to talk to, tell what I'm afraid of. To know that it's okay to be scared of what might happen." Another drink. He really loves her hot chocolate. "I don't know if faith in the Six it, but I think I need something to believe. …do you think we'll be together again in whatever is past this? Past life?"

"Of course we will," Lyrienne says without hesitation. "Ric…" She pauses, and then there are two sources of light in the room. One is the projection. The other is her aura, soft gold, teal, and pink shimmering around her. And with it comes the presence in his mind, the essence that is uniquely Lyri. We are always together, Ric. Whatever it is that lets me do this, whatever channel, whatever power, it doesn't cease to exist because I'm not using it. It will always be there.

That's always one of the most comfortable things she does. And it almost always sets Cedric's mind at ease. Could be the most intimate thing they share together, when she joins him like that. A quiet nod of understanding follows. "Then…I just have to believe that there's -something- past all of this, even if we don't really know what it is." It's said as if he's uncertain, but perhaps slightly hopeful? "I…can try." Setting his mug down, he runs his hand through her blonde curls. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

"You're the best thing that happened to me, too, Ric," Lyrienne says softly, turning her head toward his touch. "As much as it might have been unexpected, I can't imagine life without you. Or with Declan. You've been perfect, always." She rubs a hand at his thigh, summoning up a small smile as the light of her aura fades away. "Now lie down with me and watch you football, love," she says cajolingly.

"I think you would've gone through about at least three different Companions if you had ended up with Declan." Cedric muses lightly, finally some of the non-brooding Cedric coming back into his features. The couch is more than big enough for them to lay across together and doing so allows him to plant a kiss on her. "And you've been perfect too. Though I've always wondered what you'd look like with darker hair."

Lyrienne arches a brow at the last bit, smile tugging at one corner of her lips. "Well, I could always put something temporary in," she laughs softly. "If you really wanted to see it. Or a wig. But I'm a natural blonde, you know," she chuckles, digging an elbow at his ribs. "I think you'd find I probably look a lot like Ellinor, though, when it's all said and done."

"It's mostly out of curiosity, really." Cedric admit, but there's this twinge of playfulness in his voice, like there's some joke coming but hasn't been said yet. "Nah, if you do it, do something temporary. And I know, you're the only blonde in your family, which is an oddity." Grunt at the elbow being placed in his ribs. "Look like Ellie, eh? I've wondered sometimes…" Now he ducks into his pillow. "Kidding, -kidding-."

Lyrienne barks a laugh, swatting lightly at him. "You haven't wondered anything," she calls his bluff with a wry smile. "And if you're implying something about my parentage, then…" She pauses, blinking. "Oh. Taryn. Remind me in the morning, I should go and visit Taryn in the hospital."

"No, your boobs are bigger." Cedric grins. "And I doubt Ellie would let me tie her the bedposts." What he wasn't expecting was the comment about her genetics. "What? No, I wasn't implying that at all. I guess blonde hair was a recessive gene in your family for a change? Why? There something I don't know?" Then he frowns. "Taryn? Who's that?"

"Well, we thought he was just a friend of Sophie's," Lyrienne muses. "And he's been helping Advent try to adjust after the surgery. But apparently, he was wounded by some Hostiles, and when they got him back to the hospital and took a look at his DNA, it turned out he was actually Ellisaire Sauveur, who everyone thought was dead for ages. It explains, though, why in the dream with the knight and the executioner, he was both. I was just the executioner."

"This…is all new to me, I guess I must've missed that in the news." Ced looks a little bewildered by all this. "Another dream and you were an executioner? I'm not really sure I get the symbolism there. I mean, it's great that he was found and not dead afterall, sure. Guess I just hadn't heard about it until just now."

"It was a while ago," Lyrienne shakes her head. "I was an executioner, about to execute a mystery knight. But I woke up before it ended. Taryn was apparently knight and executioner, and Sir Jeremy was just the knight. I think. I might have lost track of them," she admits with a faint frown. "I was never able to figure out what it meant either, though."

"So what I'm getting from this is that you really would look good in black." Cedric says, trying to make the converstion light hearted again. But he allows a moment of seriousness. "Could be just that the meaning hasn't yet revealed it's purpose. Could be something that hasn't happened yet, I don't know." Reaching for the floor, he kills the rest that's in his mug. "Nice to have this again. It is starting to get cooler, so I'm probably going to ask for it more often."

"Don't know," Lyrienne sighs, curling up against him and closing her eyes. "I'm just grateful I haven't had one about you." She reaches out to pull the blanket over her shoulder, settling in comfortably. "It's all going to be all right, Ric. I'll be here with you all night."

"That makes two of us." Cedric can indeed be grateful that she hasn't had one about him. Hopefully she'd tell him so maybe there'd be some way to avoid it. You can change the future in the past, can't you? When she settles against him, he turns the volume down on the vidscreen. "I love you, Lyri." A kiss goes to her cheek, before draping an arm over her waist, resting his head against the pillow a bit more and trying to relax.

Lyrienne folds her arm over his, eyes drifting closed with a sleepy sigh. "I love you, too," she murmurs, a small smile curving even as she says it. "To the Fifth World and back." It's something she's said to Marus for years, and though it may have a different connotation now, she says it all the same.

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