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| The Bottoms |
| Wherever the Caravan of House Rovehn may be, the stretch of plains where they set up their temporary settlement is known as The Bottoms. They favors flatlands where there is plenty of room for each of the large, wheeled caravans to set up comfortably — usually ranging from a one and a half to two square miles of open space. There is an organic way in which the caravans arrange themselves, almost naturally establishing districts and neighborhood blocks with roads of trodden grass winding their way between them. It is exceptionally rare to come across a parked caravan that doesn't have its rampways extended and exterior doors open. When weather allows, most of those caravans with housing units have their windows open, noises of everyday life mingling with the sounds of the plains.
Surrounding The Bottoms are the various horse herds, each of which are looked after by dozens of riders. Destriers, thoroughbreds, and walkers all mix and mingle together into cohesive groups. Hard light fences and paddocks are erected to provide safey and necessary shelters for the herds. |
| 08.05.3013 |
As the time has approached, such that the Caravan was probably close to a way point, Demos arrives in the company of Roxy Rebel and Lady Viannea Peake. It would seem the three are enjoying a good day and that an opportunity to ride horses with those of House Rovehn was presented, an even better day. Good day turned great opportunity. Having found the right Ways to get were they need to be, Demos, Roxy, and Viannea move towards the Bottoms itself. For Demos, this is the closest he's been to a Rovehn Caravan and the large vehicles they live in. There is some amazement in his eyes, even having seen pictures a plenty of them, they don't capture the reality of the Caravan itself.
Partially he is looking for Balius and Lady Talynne as they walk. "I don't know if I'm more nervous to be so near a horse, or excited to be by the Caravan like this. I hope I don't get lost." His eyes look around when they reach real terra, memorizing landmarks, hills, anything he can hold onto as familiar.
"Don't be nervous." Easier said than done when most horses tower over even tall men and can sometimes be tempermental, but it was the advice given to Vi when she was learning how to ride and it's advice she passes on. "They can sense when someone is." There's no mention made of how sometimes horses will bite nervous people or throw them or try to be onery as a result, though. No sense in saying the wrong thing which might make Demos more nervous. Roxy's given a reassuring smile as well. "Have you ever been riding, Roxy?"
Balius will run at the sight of Demos, Roxy, and a noble who seemed familiar from Chiron's Squiring ceremony, but he'd never caught her name. "Demos!" The youngest Quellton seems in highest spirits, all smiles. "And greetings again Roxy." And with a turn and half-bow to Viannea. "You'll have to forgive my rudeness lady, but I'm not sure we've been formally introduced before, Balius Quellton." The stablehand is wearing his typical green tunic and leather vest. His feet are notably bear, and his boots seem to be sticking out of his satchel.
Without knowing what to expect at all, Roxy had agreed to come at the invitation, and when permission was given, she found she was actually looking forward to it. Upon seeing the caravans, her attention is completely captured, and her expression is one of awe. "I don't think I'm nervous at all. Maybe I should be though." Her voice is soft, almost reverent, though she doesn't really know why, nor does she pause to think about it. Her smile is shared with Vi, and she nods, realizing she was probably right. "I've never been riding anything but a skateboard." As soon as Balius approaches, she offers him a grin. "Balius, how have you been?"
Off in the distance, across the plains not too overly far away but enough to make them seem almost unreal, there was a herd of horses. All huge, tall and looking as though they should be unruly. But they were well organized, moving as a unit. Talynne was on the back of a huge, black stallion that looked to be a giant blot of black muscle as she sat on him backwards, calling commands to the Destriers she was training while he moved forward without seeming to break her concentration in the slightest. The more trained horses were to the outside of the formation while the less trained horses found themselves on the inside so that they could be more easily nudged to their correct placements. While it wasn't a perfect square of movement like some sort of strange dance, it was a developed movement, all of the horses responding to her when she told them to turn by calling out loudly. They were coming closer to the four people that had happened to be coming to visit, but it would take a little bit before they got near them enough to be heard via anything but a scream or shout. Even that would sound quiet.
"Don't be nervous, they can sense it, like I'll get kicked," says Demos, trying not to be nervous but not knowing if that helps. Balius is arriving and the man greets the other, "Hello Balius, we've made it. Hopefully you've had a chance to see some of these horses, and calm them down for me." A chuckle though, not expecting that to have happened. "That there are friends with me, I could not hope for more for this experience. Maybe Roxy's brave approach will rub off on me." A look to Roxy, "After horses, maybe I'll try skateboarding as well." Then the approach is coming and the horses, and he looks nervous but the approach is inspiring. Who wouldn't be moved by such a movement of majestic animals.
Again with the formality. Perhaps Viannea should adopt some kind of alter identity for when she is out in public. Of course that wouldn't help when she is recognized like now. "No need to dote on formalities. Just Viannea, please." There's a smile at that. And it's one that widens upon seeing the horses. "They're beautiful… oh. Don't worry about anything. We'll make sure you're alright, Demos… Roxy. Nothing bad will be allowed to happen." She's not the one who'll be giving the lesson but she's more than willing to help if needed.
Bey will simply nod about being informal. So many nobles with so many different rules. It was going to be confusing after a while, but he smiled nonetheless. "Staying crazy busy, Roxy, but it's all worth it." He turned to the beautiful sight in the distance. "Someone sure knows how to make an entrance," he'll say, chuckling slightly. He is in pure awe of the image, as if it were from a dream he once had.
Keeping true to her business, Talynne guided the herd of Destriers into one of the light-fenced areas, the one she was on continued to remain outside of it, holding still while she motioned the rest of the horses in and then closed the gate. Turning around on the huge, black beast seemed natural to her, and soon she was riding towards the four of them at a steady trot, the massive hooves of her mount making a heavy sound as they rang into the grassy earth. It was obvious that she was smiling as she offered them a wave when she approached.
For her part, Roxy remains mostly quiet, but the horses and caravans keep her attention captured even with the arrival of Talynne and Balius. The movement of the horses is studied, picking out a favorite already, but deciding just after it was much too big for her. A grateful look is given to Vi and she murmurs softly to her. "Thank you, Vi. I'm sure it'll work out." Her lips quirk in amusement and she touches his hand again. "I could teach you the skateboard of you really wanted. Maybe one thing at a time though." The reply from Bey draws her gaze and she smiles in return. "I imagine you love working out here. I never knew anything could look like this." As Talynne approaches, she lifts her hand in a friendly wave.
Whether or not anyone else does, Demos lifts his hand too, in unisown with Roxy, to offer Talynne a greeting by wave. "Horses today, if I live, then skateboard." Despite nervous, that this is something new keeps it just as exciting all the same. "These are like your horses Balius," the geologist questions, perhaps having more respect for the younger man at seeing them up close and personal now. "Nervous or not, I will take you're lead. These are not the mares right, there are smaller horses around to begin with I hope." He'll look to Roxy, maybe something in just seeing her here in this group helps him relax, or false bravado rises to the top.
Viannea waves to Talynne, smiling as well. "That was stunning to behold. Thank you for allowing us to observe that." Might not be required to thank the rider but she does anyhow, truly appreciative at being able to watch such a stunning sight. Roxy's offer is considered before she nods, emphatically. "Skateboarding. That sounds like it'd be fun." Again, she watches Roxy and Demos, giving a light sigh as well as a dreamy smile towards them. "So, Balius. Where should we start?"
Fidgeting with excitement, Bey will give a huge wave to Talynne as well. At Roxy's comment, "That would be a pleasure, but I'd miss my trees, I should think," He glances around the endless plains, foreign altogether in concept to him. "Most of these horses are larger than ours, Demos. They wouldn't make it in the dense trees, but I know my way around on a destrier nonetheless." In response to Vi, he'll nod towards Talynne as she approaches. "I think we should start wherever the woman on the giant horse says we should." And he'll chuckle slightly.
Coming up close enough to them to be polite, Talynne swung herself off of her horse and finished the approach on foot, shoving the wild mane of her hair behind her shoulders as she did so. "Wow, so many, I'd expected just Balius and Demos, but the more the merrier." She nodded to them all, still somewhat amped by the training session. Looking at the two women that were there, Talynne gave an open smile. "I'm Lady Sir Talynne Rovehn, but please, call me Talynne. I was going to give Demos his first ride of a horse today, were you all hoping to ride as well?" She reached to touch Balius gently on the arm in greeting, giving him a warm smile, then the same smile to Demos.
Sinner, the giant beast of a horse had walked up behind her, easily 19 hands high with the musculature of an obvious war horse. He nuzzled into her shoulder, head massive and looking like it would knock her over. "Oh.. this is Sinner, my steed, and my mount in battle. Sinner. This is Balius.. and Demos." She motioned to them, giving a grin. "And our two ladies are?"
Feeling his gaze on her, however brief, Roxy gives Demos a reassuring smile, remaining by his side. "Skateboarding is fun all on its own, but I don't imagine anything would be so nice as riding a horse. I've just never been around them before." Responding to both Demos on Vi at their mentioning of it. Listening to Bey, she grins. "I think you would probably miss your horses as much as the trees." Dipping into a polite bow as Talynne closes the distance, she remains proper, until they are asked to call her by her given name. "Oh I don't mind just watching! They really are beautiful, aren't they?"
"My apologies," offers Demos at first, "We had chanced upon each other, and the topic of a rock hunt came up then the Caravan nearing a Way presented itself. I would gladly give my spot on a horse to allow the opportunity to go to Roxy. I am as fascinated to be here by your Caravan's as I am at the prospect of actually getting to ride a horse. A rare moment for me I will admit." He'll look to Balius the same, then to Talynne, "Even to watch the two of you ride, I imagine between both your experiences, that would be something to behold, the level of understanding of horses between you."
Balius will nod with a smile at Taly. "Great to see you again! So this is Sinner?" He'll look directly at the horse and attempt to reach out his hand, taking another step in the horse's direction. Bey will blink and and the horse will rear back, neighing loudly. Balius will slowly take a few steps back, never appearing too nervous, though there was an initial grimace at the horse's reaction. His face fully red, he'll just stare at the ground momentarily when he feels comfortable to break his gaze from Sinner.
Chuckling at the thought, Talynne shook her head. "Neither of you should miss out, and it's not a situation of me not having enough horses for you both to ride. I'd just rather we all ride together and enjoy a little bit of the plains. If it's the first time for you both, I'll help you get the horses ready, explain what parts go where, and help you get up so that you're comfortable." The statement about the experience of watching Bey and Taly ride together made Talynne give Balius a soft grin, then a wink. "Bey and I have had rides together, and it is a thing to behold, but we never hold still long enough for any stationary person to watch, you'd definitely have to be on a horse to even hope to see it."
The obvious, slightly teasing tone to Talynne's voice was anything but cruel, and she looked at Roxy curiously then. "And what should I call you, dear lady? I'd love to have any way to address you other than the generic, if I can help it. Plus it's helpful for the horses to know your name, they'll expect other people to address you with it and they'll turn so you can talk." Taly chuckled and seemed slightly surprised at the movement of Sinner behind her. "Shh baby." She whispered to the horse, barely over her shoulder, and the large creature stopped freaking out. Instead of paying attention to Bey's blush, she reached out for his hand and took a step back, guiding his hand over to Sinner's neck. Softly, she pet her huge horse with Balius' hand. "Sinner.. this is Balius… he's ok." She looked at the other two, smiling and offering them a wink. "War horses are cautious, they don't want someone else to be able to ride them, they are very, very well trained to their rider. Would either of you like to pet him?" She made the offer as she slowly let go of Balius' hand, allowing him to pet the horse on his own if he liked.
"Oh no, Demos, please. I don't mind watching, really! Maybe get to know them a little bit. I've never really been around horses much before." Being addressed by the noble lady, she offers her name. "Roxy." But she doesn't give her whole stage name, instead gives her real one for some reason. "Sebryna Striker, but you can call me Roxy. Everyone does." When Bey reaches out his hand, Roxy widens her eyes and takes several almost stumbling steps backwards, nervous now for sure even if she wasn't before.
Without thinking himself, Demos stands between Roxy and the rearing horse. It was on instinct, and he can't help himself. The man nothing compared to the horse, but his body places itself in the middle. Those watching might notice he's a little shaky as he does that, but the reaction takes over him for the moment. "Maybe, you mentioned mares, maybe we should start with them." A nervous hand will left up though as the horse is settled, him finally looking back at Roxy to see if she is all right. "They are trained to be reflexive?" The edge leaving his voice, he'll try to pet the animal if allowed, but away from the head and neck if he can, probably like a child who is nervous and goes for the rump - unless directed otherwise.
Enjoying Taly's response to their riding together, Balius will slowly begin to smile again. Duh, he should have let Talynne lead, Sinner obviously was far more attuned to his rider, out of necessity. After a couple of beats, he'll regain his composure. "The more, the merrier!" He'll look up at Taly, his face in a full grin, eyes alight with excitement.
"Demos, they are very well-trained. I made a rookie mistake, probably mostly due to what I had for lunch." he'll chuckle slightly, his voice obviously showing that he is joking. "Sinner here is fully attuned to Taly and is rightfully nervous when anyone else approaches. He's extremely loyal." He'll say proudly as he strokes the powerful destrier, relaxed again.
Talynne gave Balius a grin, though it was softened with the genuine warmth she felt for him. "Exuberant as ever." She winked playfully to him and reached to take Demos' hand, helping him pet along the back of the giant, black mount. "Just do it easy…Sinner… Demos is good, too, see?" She murmured at the horse, whose coat was a thing of wonder, shiney and so well kept it was obvious he was well loved. The huge creature stood there, calmly allowing the two men to pet him. "Just don't get behind him, Demos, that's why horses kick, they get nervous when they can't see but they can sense someone is back there." She smiled to Demos, making sure he stopped from crossing behind the steed. "Roxy, I like that." She grinned to Roxy and motioned her closer. "Would you like to pet him, or just wait til we're inside with the mares you guys would be able to ride?"
The rearing back had scared her and the action by Demos hadn't gone unnoticed. When he checks on her, she smiles, the confidence slowly coming back. "I'm fine, Demos, thank you. Are you?" Noticing the hesitance in which he touches the horse. So, at the invitation of Talynne, she nods, "I'll pet him, thank you," trying not to be as uncertain as Demos as she closes the distance by a few steps, and places her hand against the animal, just near where Demos is touching, turning her head to look at him and share the moment, amazement in her eyes. "Soft, yet it feels like solid muscle.."
"Or simply, power," says Demos in response to Roxy's take on how a horse feels. He heeds her advice, "I didn't want to imagine what his front arms felt like, I don't want his legs to kick me either." Given to Talynne and Balius, to show he is trusting them both with the horses and taking their judgement seriously. Then to Roxy, "I am fine, I was worried. I don't know what I'd of done if you were hurt, and here, I asked you to come to see this event." Then to Balius, "If that was your rookie mistake, mine could be much worse, but I know you better. It was the horse following his insting and training. Such a marvelous animal." His voice calmer, more confident event.
Balius will respond to Talynne with a "So I've been told" and a gleeful smile, enthusiasm radiating from him. He'll watch with a respect for Taly as she guides the others to petting Sinner. His gaze will be one of contented happiness at the overall situation. He notices the exchange between Demos and Roxy curiously. Something was definitely different there. He'll look at his friend, a bit worried now by the remarks. "We'll follow Talynne's lead and we'll be safe. This is a day for adventure and fun!"
"Sinner, this is Roxy, she's good too, isn't she?" Talynne grinned and walked up to kiss the huge horse on his snout, nuzzling against the heavy width at the top of his long head. "He's very strong, and carries me without ever seeming to notice. He's been a very good boy for me for the last few years. I've never had better, and I've trained so very many. But they are all so specific for each rider. Some person would be perfect for a horse that would only tolerate me." Taly chuckled and stroked the Destrier's head again, before looking at the three of them. "I'll go put Sinner in for the rest of the afternoon and we can take out a quad of riders, I have some very good ones. Definitely a couple of mares that the two of you could ride without feeling any fear."
Not catching the look fraom Balius, Demos nods the same about taking the lead. "That sounds enjoyable, some mares then adventure and fun. I am realizing now I should try this thing they call vacation a little more often. Too much time in the lab." Then more towards Balius, "The mares are smaller correct. I can't imagine being on a horse taller than myself. A long way to fall. Here, the most exciting thing from the desert is the sand cats, no where near as big as horses." One might not he probably hasn't spent much time watching jousting either to be so unfamiliar with horses.
Balius will back away slowly from Sinner so that Talynne can ride him. He'll wink at her playfully "Just don't fall off," knowing the entirely implausibility of that happening. His stance is relaxed. He'll turn to his mentor, trying to be reassuring. "They certainly are. And used to being ridden and touched by multiple riders. They are trained precisely for people who are learning to ride." He'll look over at Roxy as well "You'll never forget your first ride."
Talynne took hold of Sinner's neck softly and coaxed him forward away from the three of them, towards his paddock. On the way there she leapt up onto him as if he wasn't higher than her shoulders and comfortably sat herself on his back. Without having to eaven speak to him or use the reigns that attached to his bridal, he took her where she wanted to go. Once she had him settled and stripped his riding gear she gave him a kiss on the soft snout again and started to walk off, closing up the gate behind her. "Come on with me guys, we'll go over here, I had three set off to the side in the shelter for you to choose from, Demos, but since there are two of you, it's a good thing I had more than one." She grinned to them and walked over to the large building that looked remarkably easy to take down. On her way past Balius, she bumped him delicately with her hip, though she kept on walking as if she hadn't. "I have a Champagne, a Buckskin, and a Sable. The one I'll be riding is a female I've recently been training up, though she's long since broken so you don't have to be afraid by her."
After being introduced to the horse, Roxy gets more confident, reaching gently for the neck area before stepping back. "Are mares more gentle then?" When Balius speaks to her, her eyes light up and she smiles brightly. "I would like to ride, but maybe not today. I should wear something more.. appropriate when I ride a horse for the first time." Looking between him and Talynne, she listens, but then looks back at Demos. "Will you be riding today?"
"I would feel guilty if you didn't join in," says Demos, "Sort of a mutual first time experience." The horses. But he turns to look at Talynne, following towards the building, assuming he was supposed to. "Is a champagne, a buckskin, and a sable like types of horses? I'm not sure what the difference is or what the choice would mean." He also lifts a bow to Balius to decipher this mystery. "What if we met the horses and when Roxy is ready, we both ride together? Maybe we could shop or trade amongst the caravan?" While never having been to one, he's of the understanding that such items might be available just the same, in one of the large vehicles, or set up in some makeshift shop even.
Looking around, as if searching for something, Bey will say "Roxy, I'm certain we could find a way to work around that issue. Riding is truly better together." He'll nod at Demos in agreeance. "All the mares will probably offer you a similar experience Demos, this is more a choice of color, though I find that the name provides more information in my choosing." He'll smile a bit as Taly 'unintentionally
Looking around, as if searching for something, Bey will say "Roxy, I'm certain we could find a way to work around that issue. Riding is truly better together." He'll nod at Demos in agreeance. "All the mares will probably offer you a similar experience Demos, this is more a choice of color, though I find that the name provides more information in my choosing." He'll smile a bit as Taly 'unintentionally' bumps into him, noting that some form of retribution was necessary.
Looking over at Demos and Roxy, Talynne offered a smile and a nod. "I'm sure I or my little sister could have something you can fit into, Roxy, if you'd like to dress more appropriately for your first ride. And you two can always go shopping at the Caravan, instead of riding today. We make welcome those that come to visit and my home is very large, if you wanted to spend the night here." Talynne offered to the three of them, glancing first at Demos, then Roxy, then looking over at Balius with a shrug. "I would love to have you stay, if you wanted. We could have some good food, drink some wine, enjoy the night on the plains. It's a different sort of thing than the city, the people are good though. They come together and we share, I live in the main Pod, of course, so you can at least expect the comforts of my Family's line." chuckling softly at herself, Talynne couldn't seem to not smile. "If you would like to, of course, no pressure there. We could always meet the horses now, take time, and go on a ride tomorrow after breakfast… or even tonight."
At Demos' urging, Roxy relents and offers another smile, hoping it will definitely be the mares then. "If everyone is agreeable, then I would love to, thank you. I would not want you to leave today without at least the experience, Demos, really." The reassurances from Bey decrease her hesitation so that she wears an eager expression. At the moment, she is wearing a bright pink shirt over a plaid skirt of black, pink and neon green, black leggings and white skateboarding shoes. Her blonde, green and pink hair is back in a haphazard ponytail. She looks down at her clothing, then back at Talynne. "If you don't mind then, I can just wear this." Always, she's in pink and green and black.
"That is even better Talynne," grins Demos at the prospect, and Roxy's agreement to give it a go, the riding bit at least. "We can see how the horses are now, visit your home, then perhaps ride when we are more comfortable." Then back to Roxy as they Talynne and Balius move on ahead just a little. "And thanks for staying to share this with me. I am honored you came along. Just curious now, how do you pick the right horse?" As if opening the question game again, and only having the three names Talynne supplied earlier. Maybe rhetorical at best.
"I would like that, Demos, we can see the horses and then go back and ride next time if you want." Biting her lip when he mentions visiting her home, she lifts a shoulder. "I'm just couch surfing right now, finding a couch at different friends places to crash. I've not been the drummer for HIIK for any real amount of time and we're still cutting the next album in the studio." Crossing her arms over her chest almost defensively, she shrugs again. "But if you want to stop by my friend's house, she'll let me in to grab my pack, I'll have some clothes in there." His question leaves her flabbergasted and she laughs. "I think one that doesn't do what Sinner did earlier."
Grinning, slightly sheepish, Demos laughs while he gets a touch of color to his face, "Definitely not like Sinner. If only they had one named Softy, or Pillow." A shrug, he tries to let the color drain some from his check, "I didn't mean to go to your place, sorry, I meant take up Lady Talynne's offer." Then he isn't sure about that, or the way it might sound, "Not that I wouldn't like to go to your place with you," then maybe foot in his mouth, for himself at least. "I mean, if you want a change of clothes, let's shop around here, or see what she has. Unless you have somewhere else to be that is, I want to see this life style they live in House Rovehn."
His laugh to her is absolutely charming and Roxy looks up at him, catching the color in his cheeks and her lips curve into a warm smile as she studies him. Her hand reaches out for his and she gives it a reassuring squeeze. "I think I know what you mean, Demos. I would like to stay here and explore with you, she even said she had something I could wear. I don't have anywhere else I would rather be than here with you."
"You know," says Demos, "Just you saying that, it makes a man feel special. You are as much a mystery now as when we first met Roxy, and I am glad that the rock made you curious." Gladely taking her hand with his and returning the squeeze, his thumb rolling softly at her skin. "Its a special air about you, something in the wind. Those winds when fall is in the air, you know summer is done and something special could happen, something festive even. It is good to be alive when I am with you."
His observation brings heat into her own cheeks and Roxy continues to study him, unable to tear her gaze away. "You deserve to feel special, because you are special." The simple words are given as she looks down where his thumb gently touches her hand, she laces her fingers with his and looks back at him. "Me, special?" Once more she smiles, but this time she tiptoes and presses a soft kiss on his cheek if he allows her to. "I thought you were like the winter, when the air is crisp and the ground is covered with a new snow and everything looks new and beautiful."
The kiss is indeed allowed, Demos pondering a moment, "Like the winter … I like that. I've avoided the winter because I'm used to the heat, but now I am curious to explore that world." Then he turns to look at here where she has tiptoed up to him, so he is looking directly at her. "You are more than special. You are like a rare cat in the desert sand, a beauty to behold and I only want to watch you least I freighten you away. Then, I think I should be bold, because you are so special you are worth the risk." If she hasn't turned away, the boldness moves form thoughts and words to his body, he closes the distance to offer her a kiss in return, his eyes going soft as they seek for her lips rather than a cheek.
Perhaps her was the brightness of the sun reflecting off the snow, so blinding and beautiful, yet drew you to look at each of the glittering crystals, appreciating the tiny differences and inflections in every detail… in him. When he lowers his head and meets her lips, Roxy closes her eyes and concentrates the feel of his lips on hers, the taste of him, the way she feels when she is with him/
Perhaps her was the brightness of the sun reflecting off the snow, so blinding and beautiful, yet drew you to look at each of the glittering crystals, appreciating the tiny differences and inflections in every detail… in him. When he lowers his head and meets her lips, Roxy closes her eyes and concentrates the feel of his lips on hers, the taste of him, the way she feels when she is with him. (repose)
It was offered to attempt the boldness, to feel the softness of her lips against his, to simply return the pecks she had given him. Then Demos is lost in her in that moment, his other hand unfolds to come about her, to hold her there in that kiss until there is a rumble in his throat, reverberating through him like a rising hunger. If she was the sun and he was the snow, it would be as beautiful even if there was that chance he might melt and for her, he would take that chance. His lips linger, wanting more, wanting to go slowly, simply wanting to taste at her lips until he sucks her bottom lip into his mouth and holds it there watonly. It is released and he pulls his head up. "I am intoxicated," he says, the only words he can find to describe how he feels in the moment.