Old Friends
Summary: Michael is cleaning of his and Avalyn's room while she's out, he stumbles across his old red rucksack.
Date: 02/11/2013
Related: Any of Michael's Journal Entries

Jan, 03 3014 — Michael and Avalyn's Apartment, Bedroom

Michael moves through the room gathering clothes and things strewn about, with his wife off doing wifey things for a few hours and Michael having just gotten home, he's decided it would be nice for her if he'd cleaned up their room before she gets back. He moves about the room, dropping dirty articles into the hamper and folding other items for sorting and put back. As he goes about, pulling out things and setting other things away, he stops for a moment.

His old red rucksack he'd bought when he moved from Landing to Obsidia, no longer used after Avalyn bought him his newer duffel when she found matching ones on sale. He starts to go through it, curious to see if he'd forgotten anything inside it when he moved in that rush to just leave his former home. The thoughts cause a slightly bitter sting to his heart as he remembers some of the moments, the happy moments, of his former squiring to that house and its heir.

Eyes clear, he comes across his old tablet. His father in law had purchased them both ones as wedding gift number something or other ( a technical term, hard to explain). He chuckles softly at the thought about all the presents Avan had 'blessed' them with. Some kitchen appliances, some furniture, the tablets, the vidscreen. There was hardly anything left Michael's own parents to gift their son and daughter in law, however Achaeus and Stella did find something they could help with.

Michael sets his tablet aside, intending to transfer anything over he wants to keep and delete the rest. He can always sell it for cheap later or just donate it to that project from Volkan. Next he finds something he'd actually forgotten about, after everything that's happened it isn't surprising but at the same time he's had someone to talk to and not needed it. His charcoal blue journal, the one Talayla had bought for him when his old one had run out of pages. The leather covering still soft and pliable and the smell of ink and parchment wafting lazily from the old friend of his heart.

Michael stops rummaging and moves off to the far side of the living room where the desk is, taking a seat and opening the leather bound tome. He reads through his promise to the book, and run a hand along the page with a soft apology. Then he goes through page by page reading and smiling to himself with different memories. Finally he comes to the end, then next blank page and hms softly to himself. Opening a drawer, Michael gets out a travel quill and sets to writing;

Jan 03, 3014 - Journal

My life has gone by so quickly in the past several months, so many people
have come and gone so many memories made. I feel as though all this
strife and whirlwind that's come through my heart and soul has done one
incredible thing for me. It's made me understand who I am as a man, as
a person, and as a human. In know, they all sound the same but there
are fundamental differences in each mind.
As a man, we're taught confidence and various male attributes are
important things that make us men. Each man, however, approaches these
in different ways. Now, after I've explored my masculinity through falling
for various women… for loving and losing as I have and having to deal
with the heartache and in some cases jealously, I understand. I see
the type of man I am, and the type of father I'll be.
As a person, we're all taught right and wrong. We're all taught the
various fundamentals of being a good person. We have faith, to help guide
us when questions of morality come to the surface. When we need answers
no one else can give us, the Six help us through. There are things I've
done as a squire, and as a person, that I would change if I could. There
are some who feel that thinking this way is a bad thing, that wanting
to change past mistakes means that should you change them you wouldn't
want to in the future. They spin a conundrum to mask their fear of admitting
they were wrong at times. Saying I would change something I did that I
feel was a wrong, is another way of owning up to a mistake made.
There are others, that I feel deserved better than I gave and if I had
the chance to make things right I would.
As a human, there are basic understandings of life and death that come
inherent in all of us. We know that death is the end of this life, and while
the Six will guide us on to the next journey, we'll be leaving behind
friends and loved ones. It saddens us, and causes us to fear it. There are
some who can accept it as an eventual, and thus deal with it through
rationalizations such as this. However, I cannot rationalize it. I've learned
that I truly am afraid to die and for good reason.
I love my parents, even my inlaws - or well, mainly the one - but most
importantly I love my wife and the child of mine she carries. I made a mistake
once, recently, and let her talk me into going camping in a potentially
dangerous place. I realistically should have died if it weren't for an the
emergency compression foam inside my suit to keep me from bleeding out.
If I had died, Avalyn would have been left alone with a child on the way
and a broken heart. This is to assume she'd have survived the hostile
and made it out safely.
If I could go back and change any of the mistakes I've made as a man,
a person, and a human… I would, not from shame but because those
involved deserved better than I gave.
On one last note,
I love my wife. All my heart and soul, every part of my being is hers. So,
while I might seem like I have wandering emotions, my loyalties are not
so easily changed as some might think.


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