Arrested Development
Summary: Rook gets arrested in more ways than one.
Date: 09/19/2013
Related: Gargoyles
Ithaca 


10.01.3013 — Nitrim's Room - Blackspyre


Rook has watched two horror movies and drank the last of the beer in the fridge. She's not comfortable calling down to order any food or such, and a glance at the clock shows her it's too late to do that anyway without being incredibly impolite. She checks her datapad for messages, again, and there are none. She looks over to the habitat as if to ask the snake where he is, but the cobalt strangler has no answers either.

She walks over to the window that looks dizzingly down on Volkan with her arms wrapped around herself, concerned. Not just about where he is, or who he may be with, but concerned because she is concerned. It's a new sensation — jealousy. She's never cared about anyone before him, and now it's caused weakness in her. He made so many promises, told her she would always be first, but here she is, alone, with an empty bed and no word from him, and with her in the city.

The weakness itches inside of her, and she pulls up her datapad again, this time tapping a few hidden icons to begin running a program she'd worked on for an entirely different purpose. She'd begun writing it to try and get into the security systems of the Chantry, just to access their cameras and camera footage to check and see if they could prove that Hostiles had been meeting with Chantry members. This time she applies it to the Blackspyre.

The feeds spring to life on her screen, and she sends them to the holoscreen on the wall, flipping through them until she accesses the camera for the hallway the woman's guest room is located in. She suddenly hits pause on a frame of him, with her, together, entering the room. Something inside of her cracks, and she goes numb and vacant. She doesn't even hear the guards entering the apartments, and offers no resistance when they arrest her for tampering with Blackspyre security systems.

It's hours of sitting in a cell, waiting to see a Magistrate. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone, or met anyone's eyes, completely turned inward. They come to retrieve her, but it's not the Magistrate she's sent to. They give her all her belongings and tell her to leave the Blackspyre and never return.

She looks at them, eyes narrowed as she absorbs their words. She begins going through "her" things that they've delivered, her limbs feeling like lead. She takes out everything he ever bought her, clothing, jewelry, shoes, and sets them out carefully in a separate pile, she doesn't want to be accused of stealing from him. For the tattoo on her side, she digs out what cash she'd saved up since getting off the Red Eye, because she knows Zakk Pryde is expensive.

He doesn't need or want her any more, so she can't trust he won't try to hurt her with the authorities. He found someone from his own world that can mean as much to him as she thought she did. She was clearly wrong. If she meant as much to him as he said, he wouldn't have needed anyone else. Or wouldn't have needed to sleep with them, share with them, stay with them.

She is mad at him, the rage stirring beside the pain and loss, but part of her realizes he's just young, and angry at the world, and doesn't know what his inability to be content with just her has done. He doesn't know what he's cost her, so she just hardens her heart and prepares her leave-taking without malice, while ensuring she can't be arrested for taking things that she knows were gifts.

She takes only those things that are truly her own belongings, what ratty clothing she still possesses, her datapad, her toothbrush, her worn old backpack. Whatever wisdom she'd been able to impart to him, he doesn't need any longer. Whatever she meant to him for those brief and shining moments, has winked out like a flame being snuffed, and he has already moved on. It will take time, before the scabs of her shredded emotions crust over to reform that armor she wore all her life, but she knows it will happen with time. Time and distance.

She reaches into her backpack and feels her heart clench, and her gut go cold and sloshing inside of her. She pulls out his hooded tunic, the one she slept in for weeks because it smelled like him inside the emptiness of her apartment. Her hands shake badly as she lays it out atop the fancy clothing, smoothing it out with one hand. It doesn't belong to her any more. None of it belongs to her anymore, because he doesn't.

She was a fool and she knows it. She let him overwhelm her with pretty words and heated looks, with false promises and false hopes. Her brother could see it, but she was entirely blind to the truth beneath his charms. She was never really part of this world, she never belonged, and she was never worth enough to be all he needed. She slings the pack over her shoulder, and the guards escort her the rest of the way out of the tower.


10.08.3013 — Ithaca's Room - Low Orbit Apartments - The Ring


She is back in her slum apartment on the Ring, further indebted to Lucian for springing her from the Blackspyre. All there is now is work and sleep and sometimes eating. The harsh edges of emotion have gone dull, but through grief rather than drugs, as Gentleman Johnny has also seen to her continuing recovery from her addiction. LucCorp is her real family, the only one that gave her a purpose.

She sits at her computer and sends him a final message.

Nitrim,

You are happy. She is happy. I'm the only one who wasn't happy. What doesn't fit, needs to go. I hope you finally find what it is you need, so you don't have to look elsewhere. I hope you find a way to stop your own hurt, so you don't add her to the list of those you gave hope to, then tore it away from. I hope your father finally sees you as I did, as someone worthy of his love. And I hope you can return that love to him even if you couldn't for me, or those who came before me or, most likely, those who come after me. I read patterns, and it was only a matter of time before I became like Soleil, resented for asking you to just love me and not need to love every woman who pays attention to you for a few minutes, discarding hearts like used tissues. I don't want to become her. I think I understand her now.

I have sent Helena the database to this point, and the program to run on a server of her own, to continue collecting them going forward. I can't be in the Cabal, and be around you and her. I'm sorry. I need to heal the wounds you made. I need to go back to being Rook, and let Ithaca die again. She can't survive the world I belong to, so she has to go away. She doesn't even mean anything to Sarah 113, or the other 157 Sarah's they created. She is just DNA, without memory or personality. Even she has no place for me in her heart.

I hope, someday, you can be the man you want Jevon to think you are. Maybe somewhere, in the back of my memories, I hope you can be the man I needed you to be. But then, if that was possible, I don't know if I could trust it to be real and not just another mask you wear. Part of me hopes it wasn't all lies. Good luck in everything.

Rook

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